Hatchet 1 & 2

Now quite how this little gem escaped my viewing pleasure for years is beyond me, good ol fashioned slash and gore by the gut load.

Of course I soon resolved that by getting that and the follow on.

Robert Englund plays a character in this and is dispatched within the first few minutes, along with lots of other people on the boat tour from hell.

Tony Todd also turns up, but is not dispatched an has a small role, but his character comes back for the inevitable Hatchet 2. Rev. Zombie who he plays is one of my favorite characters and there is even a nod to his way of speaking in horror roles ;-)

The second film takes off where the first ends and the deaths come quick an fast. Seriously, with a title and cover like that, it does exactly what it says on the tin.

Blood, gore and even a few boobies for the lads. Two great slasher films that just have to be seen.

Quote bit that I loved:

Chad: Hey, man. Who's Victor Crowley? Layton: Well, he's nothing. A local bogeyman story about a retarded maniac who haunts Honey Island. People just use it to keep kids away from the swamp. Chad: You mean like a Jason Voorhees or something? Layton: Something like that. Chad: When I was eight, I lived in this town called Glen Echo. Our ghost story is about this man named Leslie Vernon..

Roll on Hatchet 3.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hatchet_(film)

Wrong Turn 5

Yet more madness as the inbreds set off on another killing spree and have Doug Bradley of Hellraiser fame along for the ride.

More mad giggling and assorted teenagers being killed off at a rate of knots. Mr Bradley steals the show and plays a relation of the inbreds and is quite the evil killer on screen. Nice to see he can do it without makeup!

A total ride from start to finish, no I won't spoil this one as it takes a bit of a darker tone set with the last in the series and carries that on.

All I can say is roll on Wrong Turn 6!!! Seriously any film that has a severed hand to point out its number 5 in the series has its tongue firmly in cheek and is going to be fun fun fun.

Inbred

The best fun set 'up north' since American Werewolf. A group of assorted chav teens are taken to do some community work in the lovely northern town of Mortlake.

A community with odd looking folk and a pub with the quant name "The Dirty Hole.", sadly not a CAMRA pub!

Its not long before the chavs start getting killed off along with the youth workers in charge of them, best thing that can happen to a politically correct youth worker if you ask me.

British comedy horror at its finest, I seriously can't rate this film enough. A UK version of Deliverance with our very own "close community" of Rednecks :-)

Oh an I have to mention the quaint song sung the inbreds in the pub, a classic catchy tune.

The You tube link...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lvUCAHRa6I
Ey By Gum.

The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)

If ever there was a film that should never have been made, then this turgid fest of doggy droppings is it.

A badly shot, poorly made outing that quite frankly has absolutely nothing going for it in any way shape or form.

The plot, what there is of it consists of disturbed loner Martin who is obsessed by the fictional Dr. Heiter and he sets out creating a 12-person centipede.

In short Martin, a short dwarf security guard and possibly one of the worst actors ever to set his face to screen in the absolute worst follow on film ever. Even the Jaws follow on films look like works of fine art compared to this.

Now the BBFC (UK certification board) initially refused to grant this film a certification, due to violent scenes upon its release. It would have been far better had they done that out of respect for the people who will be bored to death watching this film.

Anyway the BBFC granted the film an 18 certificate after 32 cuts totaling 2 minutes and 37 seconds were made. Far better had they cut the entire film and replaced it with another movie.

As much I abhor censorship in any form, I hear that this was banned in Australia. Australia you don't know how lucky you are in not seeing this film.

It tries to rely on gore over style and content and even then fails to shock.

Avoid. Do your senses a favor, read a good book, go for a walk, if you must suffer a bad film then even Home Alone 2 is a masterpiece of cinema compared to this.

Hellraiser

Even after all these years this is one of the absolute best horror films.

Doug Bradley plays the pin headed monster brilliantly, all backed up with one of the best soundtracks by Christopher Young who scores the film in a magnificent way adding shed loads to the atmosphere. The effects of Frank coming back from the dead still work even now, in fact I would go so far as to say the effects in this film outclass many a monster flick that's made today.

The scenes in the hospital spring to mind, along with some classic gore as we see Frank engage in his less than well mannered feeding on victims.

Pinhead of course steals the whole show, be in firing chains out to his sheer presence on screen that makes the other actors just stage props to Doug Bradley.

The "Cenobites" naturally became one of horrors most well known and loved movie monsters, some of the newer Cenobites in the follow on movies were a tad lame but in the first they work well.

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hellraiser
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093177/

Oh I have covered the latest outing in the series, where Pinhead is played(badly) by some other actor who has probably gone back to flipping burgers or selling wraps of crack. Please avoid that one, unless your looking to get the complete set.

It seriously sucks and blows as a movie...http://therandomfilmblog.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/hellraiser-revelations.html

The Evil Dead

If you go down to the woods today, you might just run into some ancient demons(well if you play the tape and summon the bloody wee beasties up that is)

With a plot that was probably written on the back of a packet of cigarettes this film shouldn't work, yet the mix of gore and splatter over the top effects and often out an out dark comedy makes this one a gem of a film. 

Several versions of this are out - often cut by a few seconds here or there - although the original uncut film has been released and is now thankfully widely available.

Much like American remakes, the snip of the prod nose censor is one thing is dislike. Still the great and the not so good worked themselves up quite a bit over this film, calling it a video nasty and such like. Of course all that did was ensure everyone wanted to see the film.

Some of the special effects have sadly not dated well, but still an absolute classic of horror that every fan of splatter films must own(just look up an uncut version Anchor Bay have one on general release.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Evil_Dead
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083907/

Wrong Turn 4

The forth(obviously) outing of the inbred killers. This one is set in some mental hospital and the family are all inmates, of course they escape and start getting up to their normal family fun an games of killing 2nd rate actors and eating them.

Slightly different to the others in that the fourth film serves as a prequel to the previous films.

Bunch of teens on a vacation trip end up in the asylum and soon find themselves on the menu or otherwise killed off in assorted ways.

A fun romp that takes itself none to seriously and is all the better for that.

I actually thought that this film would suck but was quite enjoyable in a predicable sort of way.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wrong_Turn_4:_Bloody_Beginnings
http://uk.imdb.com/title/tt1865567/